Wizbits From Dad

Just Keep on Going to Sunday School

As a small child, every major occurrence seems like a life-or-death situation. As most children, we had our share of what we thought were horrible times where we felt as if we were being hung by a thread over a chasm deep enough to reach the bowels of the earth. Most of these were simply little inconveniences that we needed to work through.

Some of the things that happened to our family included coming home to find our basement flooded; getting called in the middle of the night to say that our boat had sunk; and numerous reports of accidents and health emergencies involving our extended family. Each time, we, as children, were often scared and confused.

In the depths of this fear and confusion, we would turn to Dad and ask: “What are we going to do?” Dad would reach into his past and calmly reply with a phrase he had heard years before and often repeated: “Just keep on going to Sunday School.” At the time, we neither understood nor appreciated this little bit of wisdom and often asked just what he meant.

In further explanation, Dad would tell us that, for the moment, we often could do nothing more than go on with life and trust God. Regardless of the situation, Dad would always look over the damage, consider the options, and go on with the best choice. I cannot remember Dad ever floundering for more than a few moments. I attribute this to his deep trust in God and an understanding that this life is short and everything here will pass.

For as long as I can remember, we went to Sunday School. Some of my earliest memories include the church we attended in Jonesboro, Arkansas until I was four years old. The special aroma of the church building had a savor that I’ve only smelled in other church buildings. I don’t think I remember much about the lessons that were taught during my first four years, but I do remember that I went to class and that the people around me loved me. And although I have not been back to Jonesboro in 15 or 20 years, I know of at least one family there that would take me in as a son if I appeared on their doorstep.

Our family continued to go to Sunday School. And I have tried to keep that “tradition” going in my family as well. For I know that it is through the understanding of God and his will for us that we can make our way through anything.

Often, we look around us and see that we are in dire straits, requiring seemingly impossible accomplishments to make it through. I may sometimes feel like giving up, or screaming, or running away from it all. But deep inside, where it counts, I can hear Dad telling me in a whisper: “Just keep on going to Sunday School,” and I know that, trusting in God, it will be all right.

Everybody Drives a Used Car

Many of the wizbits Dad taught me were about cars. Somehow, in our society, dealing with cars parallels life in many ways. I think that in trying to help me with cars, Dad was working on the way I would deal with other people. (Or, maybe he was just trying to teach me about cars, and I tried to read between the lines.) Some apply to people, some just to cars, but since I will probably deal with both for the rest of my life, I’m glad he taught them to me.  There doesn’t seem to be a pattern to these. Each one was more or less taught to me on its own merit. They are sort of “stand-alone” wizbits.

Before leaving home, I had several vehicles to drive. They included a few bicycles, a mini bike,  a Cushman Truckster (sort of like the mail handlers used to drive), a 1959 English Ford Anglia,  a 1969 Simca GLS (a French Chrysler product), a 1972 AMC Gremlin, and a 1976 Monte Carlo.  Each time I bought a car or traded up, I was careful to check with Dad to see what he could do to guide me. I don’t think he ever steered me wrong, but I also don’t think I always followed his advice either.  Once, probably when I was aching for a brand new Corvette that I could never have afforded,  Dad told me that Everybody drives a used car. He was not belittling others by any means, he was just letting me know that it was OK to drive a used car because, as soon as someone drives off the lot with a brand-spanking-new car… it’s used. So the fact is, EVERYBODY drives one. Maybe mine is a little older than yours, or a little younger, but we all drive used cars.

When Dad told me this, it was probably no consolation.   After all, what teenager wants to hear ANY reason that he can not afford the car of his dreams? It did help me to understand, eventually, what I had to do at the time. I had to buy a used car. Mainly, because that’s all I could afford. However, now I was able do that with my head held high, knowing all along, that the richest man in town drove a used car too.

Now I can reflect back and get even more from this. You can achieve a certain sense of equality here. Understanding that in some small way, we are all the same, sort of, in that we all drive used cars.

Even economically, it just makes sense to buy a used car. Buying a used car allows someone else to take the “battering” in value loss. A new car loses most of its value during the first year of use.

A couple of years ago, I attended a seminar of a well-known economic advisor who was selling his system for achieving financial security and wealth. One of the first things they told us to persuade us to buy into the system was: You should always buy a used car. The instructor went on to tell the reasons: Used cars, even slightly used, can be bought for hundreds even thousands less than their brand new counterparts. Buying a “demonstrator” or “executive” car will even save 10% to 30% off the sticker price. After all, a week later, would you really know the difference? He then added more reasons that concerned financing the new cars for five or six years or more, pointing out that as soon as you drive off the lot, the car is worth about 20% less than it was a few FEET ago. This causes an effect called being “upside-down” in your loan: You owe more than the car is worth!

I bought the “system.” Why shouldn’t I? These guys were as smart as Dad!

The 5 cents Per Mile Rule.

The reason I traded cars from my Simca to the Gremlin was that the driver’s side of the Simca had been destroyed in an accident. (It’s a long story, but it wasn’t my fault, REALLY! Even if I did get the ticket!) So when I sold it, sans doors, for $150 to a guy who was going to make one good car out of two wrecked ones, I felt really bad about losing such a good car when I had paid so dearly for it. (Well, $850 was a lot of money to me then.)

In his usual wisdom, Dad gave me a rule of thumb for finding out if I was getting my money’s worth from my cars: “If you were renting, you’d gladly pay 5¢ per mile for the use of the car, right? Well, determine how many miles you drove it, then multiply that times the 5¢ per mile and see if you’ve come out ahead.” Using this logic, I figured some 20,000 miles or so that I’d driven the car, did some quick math…

20,000 x $0.05 = $1,000.00

and figured out that I would have paid $1000 in this “rent-it” scenario. Having paid only $850 for it, I felt pretty good. I had MADE $150 on the deal, and still sold it for an extra $150, making a total of $300 profit overall! Not bad for a college sophomore.

Today, you could probably use 25¢, 35¢ or even 50¢ or more to do the same calculation for your purposes, or if you really want to feel good, call up the car rental agency and ask what it costs to rent a car like yours. It won’t put money in your pocket, but it will make you feel better about the money that left it.

At this point, you would by now expect some correlation to how many miles you get on another person and how to multiply it times some figure to see how satisfied you should be with your spouse or friend. However, I’ll let you figure your own relationship on this one and save my reputation to get you to read on from here. So, just use this one to feel good about your car.

You Have to Be Willing to Walk off the Lot

When I was driving the Gremlin (boy, I thought I was cool!), I found a car on a lot that I really, really wanted. It was a 1976 blue, two-door Monte Carlo with a landau roof. I looked it over, drove it, fell in love with it, checked with my banker to see what the book price would be, then found out that the used car dealer was asking a little more than I thought he should or than I could afford.

Turning to Dad, I asked for his advice. “You have to be willing to walk off the lot” he told me. I asked him what that meant and he explained. When you buy a used car, the salesperson will always try to get you to buy at a high price first, then if you don’t buy, they will come down on the price to try to get your business. But… not buying is not enough. You have to be willing to leave to show that you are not willing to pay the price.

“But, Dad, I really want this car! What if someone else buys it?” His reply was that sometimes you have to take that chance to get what you want. Occasionally, you miss one, but you get a better deal on the ones you get. So, I walked off the lot. I don’t remember exactly what happened, except that the day or two I waited seemed like one of the longest periods I ever had to endure. Each day, I drove by the lot to see that the car was still there. Finally, we got together and I bought the car.

As it turns out, this is one of the really big tricks to buying a used car. I’ve heard “stories” of people saving big money by walking off the lot and the salesperson calling the next day with the deal of the century. Of course it works, Dad told me it would.

In life, we have to be willing to walk sometimes. This rule seems to apply to not only cars, but jobs, friendships, just about anything in which two people face off. If your salesperson, opponent, friend, boss, whatever, thinks that you will do anything to keep your current position or situation, then they have no reason to change, even if change would be good for them and you. Sometimes, “walking off the lot” allows that person to see themselves, look up the costs, and make a change. Sometimes, it means losing what you had. But if what you had was not good, did you really need it?

I had a dorm roommate in college once who moved out on me. When I asked him why, he said: “You treat me like you think you’re my mother.” Unfortunately, it was true. I was dating a girl at home, traveling the hour and a half each way on the weekends to be with her, and totally abandoning any social life at school.

Whenever my roommate went somewhere, it was like the Spanish Inquisition: “Where are you going?”, “Who are you going with?”, “When will you be back?” My genuine curiosity came across as motherhood.

As he left, he made the statement, “I think we will be better friends if I leave.” I could hardly believe it. By the way… he was right.

When a new roommate was assigned, I was quite a different person, and my ex-roommate and I did become better friends. In my opinion, this method should never be used just to get your way. That just makes you a big baby. Rather, when you can get someone’s attention who is really being unreasonable, and help to make a change for the better, it is a good alternative method. Unlike cars, people require a LOT of love when you deal with them. If you fail to use it, you’ll end up hurting everyone involved.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder;
But Sometimes it’s for Somebody Else!

As I prepared to leave for my freshman year at college, I became quite concerned about leaving my girlfriend at home. As usual, I went to Dad for comfort and support. After telling him about my concerns, Dad had some really important advice for me. With a grin on his face, he said, “Carl, you know what they say: ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder…’, then he added, “…but sometimes it’s for somebody else!”

As you might imagine, this was no great comfort to me and I’m sure Dad “danced” around trying to make a joke out of it. I probably left Dad even more confused and more concerned.

School time came and I went away. My girlfriend and I kept our friendship going with the help of Ma Bell and frequent trips home. In fact, I hardly had a chance to get to know anyone at school because I was always gone on the weekends. By the end of the first semester, however, I wasn’t sure about my feelings for her or about why I wanted to date other girls! By February, she broke up with me. I was crushed. (I crush easily.) I got mad and confronted her. With every reason she gave, I tried to provide a suitable “hole” in her argument. It was too late, however, and no amount of arguing would do. We were history. By this time, we had both found other people we were interested in and our “fondness” had diminished.

Dad was right again. It has been proven over and over again. You may have even experienced a similar situation in your life. It is really quite surprising that more people don’t realize how true this is. The really surprising thing is that when couples are having troubles, one of the first ways they try to remedy the situation is to spend time away from each other! If you watch enough movies, you know this almost never works. Invariably, both parties find someone else to “rebound” to and the original relationship crumbles.

Mother and Dad were married for over 56 years when she passed away. They did have times that they were separated for short periods of time. But when either one had to be gone for very long, they would both try to go. Separate vacations may be the “in” thing from time to time, but real relationships are built when people really try to live with the other person.

Look around you. Is there someone you are trying to be absent from in an attempt to make things better? Don’t bother, it won’t work. Love is not something you feel, love is something you do. If you don’t love someone anymore, make a decision to love them again and do it. When you learn to overlook faults, accept differences and really appreciate the other person, you will have something that can last forever.

Never Ask for a Raise Until You’re Worth More to the Company

Dad and my grandfather owned an electronics business while we were growing up and Dad tried very early to provide us with an opportunity to experience working for someone. I remember working on Saturdays for about 50¢ per day when I was about 10 years old. The work wasn’t hard, we weren’t expected to do a lot, and we usually got a free soda while we were there.

Later, when I was 13, I would ride the bus home from school and work the afternoons at the store, emptying trash, sweeping and generally getting in the way. For my efforts, I was paid well (probably more than I was worth), 40¢ per hour. Working two hours each afternoon and four hours on Saturday, I could earn a full $5.60 per week. I knew I’d be rich soon.

One day, after emptying an extra amount of trash, I went to Dad’s office to ask for a raise. He handled it rather well, as I recall, asking me why I thought I needed one and why he should give me one. When I had trouble answering the questions, he explained that a person could be paid more when they were worth more to the company. Further explaining, he pointed out that when I had a list of reasons that I could provide to him, including skills I had learned or increased productivity, he would consider giving me a raise. So, here’s the wizbit: “Never ask for a raise until you are worth more to the company.”

Leaving his office somewhat disgruntled, but determined, I set out to make the list. Just what I put down on the list, I can’t recall, but I did return to his office later in the week to present my case. After hearing the evidence, I was awarded a full 10¢ per hour raise. It doesn’t sound like much now, (nor did it then) but a 25% increase in pay is nothing to sneeze at!

Dad didn’t always pay me 50¢ an hour. I went to work for him after I finished college and eventually made very good money in commissioned sales. But I never asked for a raise unless I had some reason to back it up. And sometimes I asked for a cut in pay, when I changed positions to something that I knew would be less productive.

Now that I work for a large corporation, I still see the relevance of this rule. I’ve had an opportunity to ask for a raise since I’ve been here, but not without my manager seeing the reasons that backed up my request. Having been an employer, I would advise mangers to look for the added value that employees offer and give occasional small raises to those who show increased productivity and learn additional skills. It means a lot more to an employee to be recognized for increased value than for them to have to ask for the raise and feel that they have gotten it without merit.

To employees, I recommend that you look around you for things that are not getting done, then do them. Your manager will notice, you can include your manager in your enthusiasm and it will pay off. Do not lose faith. You’re much better off doing work that is not appreciated than not doing anything more than is expected of you.

If There’s a Leak in Your Boat, Bail it Out!

As I mentioned, our family had a lot of fun on the river. Dad has always enjoyed having a boat with which to work and play. I don’t remember all the boats Dad has had over the years but at my best count, there were at least seven or eight of them. He had all kinds, from canoes to cruisers. All of them seemed to have one thing in common. They all leaked.

I’m not knocking Dad’s ability to care for a boat. But most of the boats were used when he got them and he inherited the leaks. I’m sure that one or two may have come without leaks, but if you spend much time with boats, you know that whether you have a leak or just get in and out of the boat, you have to bail it out sometime to keep it afloat.

We had all levels of problems with the leaks in these boats. I can remember one night late when the marina called to tell Dad that our boat had SUNK! I imagined the worst with only the top light sticking out of the water, but I’m sure now, it meant that the hull was mostly full of water. Dad and my older brother went out, with pump in hand, to rescue the boat.

Other times, rain or wet boys swimming in the river would get a lot of water in the boat. Dad taught us several ways to bail out a boat. There was the old standby method of a can or milk carton and a lot of elbow work. This is probably what you think of when you think about bailing out a boat. Just get a scoop full or water and throw it over the side. That works well as long as there is more going out than is coming in.

Another method that I found fascinating was to literally pull the plug on the boat and then head out full speed. This allowed all the water to flow to the back of the boat and out the plug hole, assisted by the flow of water that was going under the boat. When the boat was empty, simply re-plug the hole and you could stop again.

Then there was the pump method. Some of the boats we had were complete with bilge pumps. Most larger boats have them. It seems that in the boating industry, leaks are a “given.” You cannot completely prevent them. The best you can do is plan for them and be prepared. Built-in pumps do just that. As a regular part of your maintenance, you turn on the bilge pump before you make every trip in the boat. There is usually some water to be pumped out.

We’re not really all that different from boats, are we? Our lives are full of leaky spots. We fix some of them, others we never know are there. We often find ourselves in need of having our bilge pumped out. Sometimes, we may see others who are in need of the same service. What should we do? Walk away and let them sink? Or should we do the obvious and get to work helping to drain the flood of problems that are drowning that person?

In this case, I really don’t know if Dad was trying to teach me to care for others, or just for boats. Maybe I read more into things than I should. It does seem to me that it makes sense though. A boat cannot be moved through the water efficiently when it needs to be bailed out. It must be bailed out in order to do its job. If left to leak, it will sink and possibly cause deaths in the process for its passengers.

So Dad showed us that if you have a leak in your boat… bail it out! It’s the only way the boat can be functional again. People, too, need the kind attention we would give a boat. So next time you notice a leak, start bailing or turn on the bilge pump! Someone’s life may depend on it.